Life Is Just Riddled With What Ifs And Maybes

Life. Fate. What Ifs. Maybes..........it's an endless merry-go-round. And at times it's a persistant nightmare. Relentless and suffocating. You go through life. You encounter things that were fated to happen. Your decisions make you choose one route over the other. You look back at the untraversed route and ask your self "what ifs". You console your regrets with desperate speculations of "Maybes"........it's never ending.

Every time I go down Whyte, I can't help looking around to see if he's there. God! I wish I can stop this stupid impulse!!! Damn it! And after all this kicking and tormenting myself with questions of "what if I had done things differently" "what if I had taken the opportunity that was before me", I find myself coming up with "maybes" solutions -- "maybe the timing just wasn't right" "maybe it's not time yet" "maybe the right time will show itself one day".............desperate attempts to console myself, or rational words of wisdom? BS to the latter and kudos to the former. I think my deluded brain is just desperatly trying to keep from suffocating from lack of oxygen due to much thinking of him after one long long year.