"These days people seek knowledge, not wisdom. Knowledge is of the past, wisdom is of the future."

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Life Is Just Riddled With What Ifs And Maybes

Life. Fate. What Ifs. Maybes..........it's an endless merry-go-round. And at times it's a persistant nightmare. Relentless and suffocating. You go through life. You encounter things that were fated to happen. Your decisions make you choose one route over the other. You look back at the untraversed route and ask your self "what ifs". You console your regrets with desperate speculations of "Maybes"........it's never ending.

Every time I go down Whyte, I can't help looking around to see if he's there. God! I wish I can stop this stupid impulse!!! Damn it! And after all this kicking and tormenting myself with questions of "what if I had done things differently" "what if I had taken the opportunity that was before me", I find myself coming up with "maybes" solutions -- "maybe the timing just wasn't right" "maybe it's not time yet" "maybe the right time will show itself one day".............desperate attempts to console myself, or rational words of wisdom? BS to the latter and kudos to the former. I think my deluded brain is just desperatly trying to keep from suffocating from lack of oxygen due to much thinking of him after one long long year.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Human Hearts

Feelings.......Sometimes they're insufferable. They infiltrate your mind, twist your sanity, and throw your focus off balance from completing certain tasks at hand. They make you insufficient, turn you into an incompetent fool.

At this very moment, I am that fool.

One guy. Just one guy, and the very thought, the very sight of him has managed to turn my world upside down. This is completely insane! Why is this happening to me??

I can't envision being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with him or marrying him. It's funny, that's not the way I'm feeling at all. You would have thought that anyone with a crush would be thinking about going steady and eventual marriage. But somehow I can't envision that with him. It seems like it's more of a physical attraction.....I want him. I want him to be my first kiss, I want him to be my first......Well, everything...except love. Perhaps it's because I don't know him well enough. If I get a chance to know him better, perhaps I might be desiring a more platonic relationship with him.....

Feelings have taken over my sanity. I am no longer in command of my life. I am lost in a boiling cauldron of intense emotions - yearning, desire, confusion, emptiness.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

I Live My Life My Way - My Beliefs

What is religion to me? I guess I see it as "life's reference book" of sort. It works as a point of reference to guide you to become a better person. All religions to me are the same, whether it be Buddhism, Christianity, Catholic, Muslim, etc. The core of all religion is to make you live a healthy, harmonious life. The core of all religion is to teach you how to live with compassion.

I don't believe that there is a higher being to pray to. I think the idea of a higher being was created as a comfort medium for people who are faced with a crisis that seems impossible to resolve. Well....I don't believe in the metaphysical aspect of a higher being. But I do believe that the purpose of a higher being is to set a good example for people to follow. For example, the story of Shakyamuni Buddha shows how one can attain enlightenment by living with a compassionate heart and being free from having materialistic desires. Same thing with the story of Jesus Christ. Jesus lived his life with compassion. He forgave the sins of human kind when he took all of our sins with him when he died. The power of forgiveness is so important in order to maintain harmony on earth. Look and compare the two stories. Don't you agree that both stories are similar in the fact that both teaches you how to become a better person? It's such a valuable lesson to remember. I think the whole purpose of going to a temple or to a church to pray is to remind you to live your life correctly. When you pray, you're not praying for a supreme being, you're really praying for yourself.

I'm a Buddhist because I feel this religion agrees with my philosophy about life and death. I don't believe in resurrections, rather I believe in reincarnation. I don't believe once a person dies, he/she automatically goes to heaven. Rather, I believe that a person is reborned into a different body where the cycle of learning and absorbing continues.

I always asked myself, "why am I here?" "why do we all experience different things?" "why was I born with the family I have now?" "why are some people my friends and others my enemies?" "why do we have sufferings in the world?" It makes sense to me that everything we experienced on this earth are just steps toward enlightenment. What we learn, what we experienced in this life, we will carry it with us into our next life where we'll experience new things that will just get us that much closer to being enlightened if we live it right. I believe in cause and effect. Whatever bad actions you planted in this life, if it doesn't catch up with you in this life, it will follow you into your next life where you will reap what you have sowed. In other words, you will suffer the consequences of your sins. That explains the terminal illnesses and why some died young. I know not everyone agrees with this philosophy because it seems so grotesque and it really does not give comfort to loved ones of those who have suddenly passed away. That's why Buddhism is not the right religion for everybody. Christianity and Catholic seems more of a comfort with their philosophy about the soul rising up to heaven to be closer to God to live in eternal peaceful harmony.

I think we should all pay attention to every little details that happened to us in this life. Everything happens for a reason, and I think if we all pay closure attention to how we live our life, we can easily find a solution to every problem that comes our way, because we already know what created these problems in the first place.

*l* I can recall a story that my Master Venerable once told a while back:

Once there was a very superstitious healer who believed in many different religions. He believed in Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, Christianity, etc. Everywhere he goes, he would carry all the symbols of all these religions with him as protection. Oneday, while he was up in the mountains picking wild herbs, he encountered a very hungry tiger. With no weapons to fight off this hungry tiger, he got down on his knees and prayed frantically to all the gods to come and help save him. Up in the heavens, all the gods from all the different religions were having a problem deciding who should go down and help this unfortunate healer. Each god was politely yielding the responsibility to the next god. "I already helped someone last time. I don't want to appear rude and hoard all the good deeds from you," said the Buddha to Jesus Christ, "I'll let you have a chance to come to the aid of this human." "No no no," said Jesus Christ, "I insist that it is the Taoist Priest's turn to go down and aid this unfortunate human." "No no," said the Taoist Priest, "I insist Confucius should be the one going down to help. I think the human is calling Confucius to help him anyways." And the debate continues. While the gods were busy having their debate, the tiger attacked and ate the healer.

Thus this story shows that the reason why one must not adopt so many religions is because it will create confusion and misunderstandings.

I'm a Buddhist by choice. But my belief in this religion isn't an obsessive one. I don't pray everyday, and I don't go to the temple to pray every Sundays. I'm not a vegetarian, and I don't live like a Buddhist nun. I don't believe keeping to rituals shows my dedication towards that religion. Instead, I believe that I should try to live my life while being mindful of Buddhist teachings, and try to apply these teachings into the way I live each day. Only then can I become a well-rounded human being.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Philosophies and Beliefs

I've decided to create another blog for my own personal reflections about life and why I'm here. I am certain there isn't one person standing on this earth whom have not asked themselves at some point in their lives the question, "Why am I here? What's my purpose for being here? Why was I born a human instead of some other creature? Where do people go once they die?" etc. There are so many questions in life, yet no one seem to have a correct answer for them. Thus, I have decided to use this blog to keep track of my beliefs and thoughts. Who knows? Maybe with all these mulling and debating, I might come up with something!